Emily's story matters: opening up about anxiety
Emily shares about experiencing social anxiety in middle school, but not realizing what it was until much later on.
Show Transcript
Think Tank podcast
Title: Emily: Your story matters
Speaker: Amy Hopkins, Clinical Writer and Liason
Amy Hopkins: Our stories matter. Today, on the podcast, Emily, one of the podcast regulars, shares something she wrote about dealing with anxiety as a child and what she's learned. I'm glad you're here. Welcome to the Think Tank Podcast.
Emily: I can remember it like it was yesterday. I'm in seventh grade in social studies class, trying to make myself invisible. The teacher's calling on students to answer questions about the textbook reading that was our homework. The fact that I've done the reading gives me no sense of comfort, because each time Mr. Vee calls on me, I seem to forget everything I've read. My heart jackhammers in my chest, and I barely hear the question. I can think only of the sweat pooling under my arms and the rising heat in my cheeks. My face feels like it's on fire. My thoughts start in horror to what my peers must be thinking. "Oh, my gosh, why is her face the color of a tomato?"
"I don't know," I stammer in response to Mr. Vee's question. All I know is I want to jump out of my skin and run out of the room. Instead, I shrink into my chair and I try to will the heat to leave my face. I daydream about changing schools, as if that will fix the problem. I don't talk about this recurring embarrassing problem with anyone. It happens less in high school when I have more friends in my classes and I feel more of a sense of belonging. It happens even less in college when I'm studying what I want to and I feel more competent. But it's not until I'm in graduate school, studying to be a counselor, that I finally put a name to that experience, anxiety. More specifically, social anxiety and panic. I had never before realized it. I had just thought something was wrong with me.
Looking back now, I can see that support was around me and that opening up to just one kind person in my life could've led to getting help with my anxiety, which could've led to many other things, including understanding, relief, coping skills, fewer limiting beliefs, being less hard on myself, more space in my mind to learn. The what-ifs don't serve me, but having compassion for my younger self does. If you're struggling, if you notice a child in your life struggling, just starting a conversation about it could make more of a positive difference than you can even imagine. As Brené Brown wrote, "Shame thrives on silence, and judgment and can't survive when spoken about with empathy."
Amy Hopkins: I love what Emily wrote. Children don't often understand their feelings or know how to communicate them. We can help kids by letting them know it's important to talk about our emotions and then give them the space to talk about what they're experiencing. We can give them understanding, relief and support, because their stories matter. Thanks for being here. See you next time on The Think Tank Podcast.
Disclaimer: The Think Tank Podcast is brought to you by Resources for Living and developed by The Think Tank Podcast team. It features Amy Hopkins, Brig Dunsmore, Angela Bell, Leslie Zachariah, Emily Lockamy and Narciso Bowman. If you need support managing life's issues, know there's help available. Check with your human resources to learn more about benefits that can support your mental wellbeing. And remember, if you are in a mental health crisis, please call or text 988 to connect with the crisis lifeline.